it's been a while

Since i've felt this way. That butterflies//stomach empty thing over a guy is the best feeling in the entire world. :) I know, i'm lame, but seriously.

is the new trend

directly talking about people indirectly through blogs? haha mhm interesting i suppose. So i am currently happy, exhausted, anxious, scared and procrastinating life. Christmas was good, now that i'm older its more about giving than receiving and being together and happy. Although, there is one thing i received that i liked ;) ha. College is just around the corner, ekkkk. so excited yet so scared. I think i'm most afraid of loosing people i'm used to having around. The people you fought with for four years of highschool or even more and still loved more than anything. Mhmh moving on can be a bummer sometimes but that's the cycle of life. I hope those people don't forget about me, i hope they are still there when i call them crying at 2 in the morning, to talk me out of every bad decision. Speaking of decisions, ha where to decide? ugh! it's hard to make such a big decision, hoping in the end it was the right one. I think i'm most scared of being away from home, where i am free to do whatever i want, good or bad, whether it hurts me or helps me, no one will be there to hold my hand. So today is a beautiful day, i think i'll take a walk, get some coffee, think less, clear my mind and hope for the best. I'm starting to see the good in everything again, and it feels better, just please don't let me down :)

fuck it, life goes on ;]

Trust is hard to come by, confusion surfaces all too much. Love isn't enough to rely on persons intent; it's all about the game. But in the end, you look in the mirror, let out a sigh and go on with your day. Sometimes its all we have, so what do we do? what do we do?

against all odds

Today put my life into perspective in several ways. I feel a little happier everyday, i'm surrounded by good people, good music and constant hope. Today i actually appreciated being apart of an amazing charity league i usually take for granted. Really, i don't think there is such thing as a greater feeling than being apart of helping someone and seeing them happy from your compassion. I also realized how extremely fortunate we all are, how fortunate i am. Another lesson learned was that above all else, people matter. We forget how important it is to remind someone you love them no matter what you are there for them, always, not just in hard times; unconditionally. I realized that even if  a dozen friends forget about you, all you need is one fabulous one. And last, people may surprise you, life goes on, the world is beautiful and i'm lucky to have someone who cares about me as much as they do. 

old school

"i can't live, i can't die, not the last time i tried. can't help you can't help me, can't give you all your needs. no sleep now i'm awake, recalling our mistakes, so many drugs to take none give me your strength. you're just a simple little girl and i complicate your life, doing things the hard way you don't want to loose this fight. i can't live and let go wish i could let you know, the phone rings one more time no answer another one in the dime mosquito takes up more, you pretend i'm your cure, i hope i'm your poison, will bring you to your end."

whaawawheewa

Last night was the best with shmate. ha really, you can make anything fun with someone you just click with. Even with MERH circumstances we still got a lot of laughs in. Tonight was good too, Christmas spirit, warm lattes, and snuggling with my favorite person. Sometimes the little things can't be beat and the bigger things you forget about in the end. Sweet dreams and happy holidays <3

sweeeeet dreams

Sometimes it feels good to finally grow up and realize a good thing when you have it. When everything is thrown at you, nothing else really matters when you know what you want. Today has been a good day and hopefully tomorrow will be even better. Life isn't all that bad :)

goodnight muffins xo.

brighter than sunshine

Gooooodmorning sunshines, staying home from school; best decision. My body feels achy and my head hurts, what's new huh? Last night's Victoria Secret Fashion show, sooooo amazing. Sleepy time tea was also very good and waking up to paramore, even better. I miss my shmohn though just a bit. So i once told someone its amazing how you can always be concerned and/or love someone, that even in hard times you wish the best for them. Unfortunately, that is not the case for most people. It's nice to think when they know somethings not right they would be there or step out of their comfort zone and just be thoughtful. Oh well, at least you're consistent on a let down. ha Not that i'm pinpointing any one person, but if you feel that i am, then maybe you know what i'm talking about. wake up. Enough about that, i want to watch HBO right now and i feel like seeing a good show this month, like mhmh coldplay. The day i receive my acceptance letters, oh i can't wait and i can not stress this enough. To be quite honest the one thing from here i'll miss is bella, nothing else has left enough of an impression on me. ha i miss art class and tortilla soup with kate, ahhh the best. Last note, i want CHUCK BASS. Ok, everyone have a lovely day. xo

the haunting

They say before you get better you hit rock bottom. So what happens if you become fixed on hitting it? Still think i'm wise eh? i beg to differ. 

I am frustrated and annoyed. Can't wait to leave, can't wait to leave, can't wait to leave. PEOPLE ARE SHADY. My friends have become on the surface and passive with me, it's not fun. I think i'm at that screaming at the top of your lungs point, greeaaat. Wow i sound like a pessimist. All i want to do i sleep and paint, good game plan.

xoxo

lapse

Leaving the office only lead to a drive full of thoughts. The thought of the secret and not the one you think you may know, this one was deeper. It's amazing how hearing such a thing can really fuck things up. The summer day that changed everything, you had no idea "it" was to blame, but it was, or at least it had to be. Now it is more than that, the secret dissolved into what became my own. A new thing to captivate my attention and fix what would never be known. Oh the cycle.